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Old 11-04-2004, 09:29 AM
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Default Nation’s Prostitutes Gearing Up For Start Of NBA Season

Nation’s Prostitutes Gearing Up For Start Of NBA Season
PORTLAND, OR--All around the nation, prostitutes are preparing for a dramatic increase in business, as the 2004 NBA season is about to get underway. From Portland to Miami, hookers and johns are eagerly anticipating their busiest time of year, when millionaire NBA players travel from city to city minus their wives and children.

“Ah, there’s nothing like the fall. The leaves are changing, the kids are back in school, and the Trail Blazers are back in town, purchasing prostitutes,” said Taneesha, 24, a Portland-area hooker. “People don’t realize how much they give back to the community. Qyntel Woods, Zach Randolph, and Darius Miles are all great customers. I’ve even been with Shareef Abdur-Rahim. Don’t let those Muslims fool you. They like pussy just as much as anyone.”

Taneesha credits the Trail Blazers with helping her achieve her dream of going to nursing school.

“I’ve been able to attend night classes at Portland State thanks to those guys,” she said. “In fact, I paid for an entire semester in one night with Qyntel and Darius.”

Across the country in Atlanta, working girls are welcoming the NBA back with open arms. After an unusually slow summer, professional basketball players are just what the doctor ordered.

“Summer was slow. Very slow,” said Dara Walker, 36. “I was kicked out of my apartment in June and have been living on the streets ever since. I’m counting on these guys to get me back on my feet and into a new place. They’re my only hope. They are the lifeblood of this industry.”

To prepare for the influx of customers, the prostitutes are purchasing new clothing, getting their bodies into shape and brushing up on NBA rosters. Walker says that knowing a player’s name is key to earning more money.

“Oh, you’ve got to know these guys names and recognize them,” said Walker. “It’s very important, because they’re under the impression that they are big celebrities and they get offended if you don’t recognize them. Like last summer, one of the rookies here in Atlanta came to me and asked for a blow job. I was really busy at the moment, so I told him to come back later. Boy was he pissed. He was like ‘Don’t you know who I am? I’m fucking Dan Dickau of the Hawks.’ Now that one took me by surprise. I actually thought he was the kid from The Wonder Years.”

One problem that the prostitutes face is competition from other girls. As soon as autumn arrives, hundreds of them descend on NBA cities like Miami, Los Angeles, and Denver to get a piece of the action. This infuriates the locals, who say the out-of-towners should stick to their own turf. Unfortunately, money is tight and most girls will go wherever they can to find work.

23-year-old prostitute “Jade” arrived in Denver last week and has already ruffled feathers among the local girls.

“I know they’re mad about me being here, but that’s tough shit,” she said. “I come from Boulder and there’s no NBA team there. Believe me, there is plenty of work to go around in this city. You really notice a difference when you come from a non-NBA town. One NBA player can provide food, clothes, and shelter for about a dozen girls a month. And if you’re lucky enough, you might even get caught in the act by the cops and them become embroiled in an ugly public scandal. Then Bob Ley from Outside the Lines comes calling. Cha-ching! Jackpot.”

The rampant use of hookers in the NBA is no secret. Even the players admit that it’s an integral part of life as a basketball star. Several members of the world champion Detroit Pistons, for example, described purchasing sexual favors on a nightly basis during their postseason run.

“Oh yea, man, you really have to keep yourself loose when the pressure is on like that,” said one player, who asked not to be identified. “And the best way to keep loose? Blow jobs. After every game we have our posse members go out and pick up some girls for us. I usually have three or four a night during the playoffs, just because I have to let off steam, you know? But it’s no big deal. Everyone knows about it. Even my wife knows about it. But she doesn’t mind. She’s just proud that I haven’t raped anybody.”

NBA commissioner David Stern denies that prostitution is rampant among NBA players. Even though there is mounting evidence to the contrary, Stern believes that the league’s players are mostly upstanding citizens and that the ones who do solicit prostitutes are in the minority.

“All this stuff you hear about hookers in the NBA is vastly exaggerated. In fact, I consider it an unfair stereotype,” said Stern. “Most of these players are married with children, so I seriously doubt they would spend their time fornicating with common street walkers. These guys spend their downtime visiting children’s hospitals and reading to the blind. And if they want to ‘blow off some steam’ I’m sure they’d head down to the gym and practice their defense. And if they need someone to fellate them and give them hand jobs, well, that’s what agents are for.”
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Old 11-04-2004, 09:33 AM
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Default Re:Nation’s Prostitutes Gearing Up For Start Of NBA Season

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Originally Posted by guyman1966 View Post
“Oh yea, man, you really have to keep yourself loose when the pressure is on like that,” said one player, who asked not to be identified. “And the best way to keep loose? Blow jobs. After every game we have our posse members go out and pick up some girls for us. I usually have three or four a night during the playoffs, just because I have to let off steam, you know? But it’s no big deal. Everyone knows about it. Even my wife knows about it. But she doesn’t mind. She’s just proud that I haven’t raped anybody.” ...

oh man

ha ha ha!
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Old 11-04-2004, 10:42 AM
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Default Re:Nation’s Prostitutes Gearing Up For Start Of NBA Season

article is a joke....


bob ley???????

yea ok...
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Old 11-04-2004, 10:44 AM
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Default Re:Nation’s Prostitutes Gearing Up For Start Of NBA Season

of course it is. like players or stern would ever talk like that. its pretty funny imo.
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Old 11-04-2004, 03:13 PM
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Default Re:Nation’s Prostitutes Gearing Up For Start Of NBA Season

Not true.

I'm a consistent prostitute year-round.
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Old 11-04-2004, 03:15 PM
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Default Re:Nation’s Prostitutes Gearing Up For Start Of NBA Season

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Originally Posted by JMT View Post
of course it is. like players or stern would ever talk like that. its pretty funny imo.
How far is the saleens' head up his own ass if he needs you to tell him this was a joke? LOL
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